WARNING: Don't continue reading if you are not prepared for me to be a complete whiny bitch. Thank you, you have been alerted.
I gotta lot of problems with you people and I ain't afraid to talk about it.
I used to hate the holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and finally segueing into Valentine's Day. I stated previously, a lot of this had to do with being forced to spend time with my family. We, maybe just me, used to hate spending time with each other, even now, I don't particularly like spending time with them, I love them to death and would do anything for them, but I would rather work Christmas day rather than spend the day with them. Like I said, it's better now, but back then, when the cold hit, it was one long dark time for me. The irony is I love the winter, the cooler weather was more comfortable for the big man, I didn't sweat my ass off working or doing anything else. I love wearing my leather jacket and overcoat, they were comfy. No, my problem was the holidays, in so many different ways.
First was spending time with my family, yadda yadda yadda, I hate them, yadda, don't want to see them, yadda, would rather pull my eyes out. Then it was what they kinda meant. The holidays are supposed to be a time of good cheer, be kinder to your fellow man, be good, give gifts, celebrate a new beginning. BULLSHIT. I say BULLSHIT. I love getting together and eating until your sick as much as the next guy. I love getting presents as much as the next guy. (Well, maybe not, I have a sort of guilt complex when it comes to receiving things, nonetheless, it's the concept of giving.) And the fresh start of things. What fresh start, with a hangover? I found it hypocritical to get together as a family to give thanks, we never gave thanks to being a family, all my sisters and I couldn't wait to get away from each other. Sentimentality was bullshit to us when we were younger. So that thought goes right out the window. The gift of giving? More bullshit. This one is kinda my own, I find it hard to swallow the thought of giving gifts on only one day out of the year, to celebrate a holiday. What's the point? I much prefer to give people things when I think they may like them. Sure, I unfortunately give in and on the holiday, buy everyone a gift. But during the year, if I see something for someone that I think they may lie, and I can kinda afford it and get away with buying it without hurting my wallet too much, I just do it, why wait until a birthday or a holiday to give someone something and make them happy? It's my own weird little philosophy and as far as I can tell, it comes from a karmic need to make up for being such an asshole to people. Then celebrating a new year? It just bites me, that it's just the beginning of the same old bullshit, just a year later. I just find it all hypocritical to only be nice at one time of the year. Be nice all the time or don't, don't let mythological gatherings dictate how you should behave. This goes for Valentine's Day too. Which I am reminded now, barely a week after New Year's, thanks to all the cards and crap chocolate and pink in the stores now. As with the other holidays, do we really need a holiday to show someone that we care/love them? Shouldn't you be doing that anyway if you care about someone? It shouldn't take a single cold miserable day of the year for you to send the person you love some flowers and $2 chocolates. You should be showing you care for them whenever you get the chance. Not smother them, but acknowledge they make you happy. I have both benefited and been cursed by this attitude. Usually I am such a curmudgeon, or Grinch as my friend Tammi likes, at this time that traditionally I have been without a girlfriend at this time. That doesn't mean I haven't had a girlfriend when Valentine's rolled around, but I always felt oddly compelled to try too hard to do something on that day because again, I often don't mind already buying her little gifts and flowers. But since I usually am alone, sometimes that day is even harder to deal with, having to see these people buying their girlfriends and boyfriends "special gifts" for that one day, only to get their asses kicked the very next day when their respective mates go back to treating them like shit. I almost don't want someone to be with me at this time because of all the bullshit expectation. I always would care for someone no matter what, I don't need a holiday to tell someone I care. More Bullshit.
But let me get to the root of my problem, and I don't mean my insecurities, my paranoia, or my OCD, it's the fuckin' tourists. Where the fuck do these people come from? Who walks around in a group down the side walk, ten across, not expecting anyone to come walking the other way. Good God, when would that ever happen in a city of 10 million? Why in the world would there ever be people behind you, when you decide to just stop suddenly in the middle of the sidewalk and look around? Where you come from, are there even other people? You sure act like you live in a fuckin' desert. Do you even get that this is a city where people live and have to get to work? I'll bet when you drive to work in whatever podunk city you live in and there is a traffic jam, you curse and scream. Do you think there is any difference when there are 10,000 people walking down a sidewalk and you decide to stroll and criss cross the sidewalk? Get the fuck out of the way. My blood pressure never rises higher than when I'm trying to get to work of go home during the holidays. I have to walk to work and home, there is no convenient mass transit, I work near where I live, unfortunately it is all in midtown, the most hellish place during the holidays. Tourists just make it so much worse. I literally barrel my way back and forth. I don't even feel bad when I shoulder my way past these idiots, basically lowering my shoulder and smashing into them. And I do damage, I'm a big guy who knows how to hit other people in every way conceivable. I've only been knocked back by one other guy, a guy almost twice my size who was doing the same thing. I don't feel good about this, I do it out of anger which is not good for me. In fact, I feel upset about these people. But they just piss me off. The other little thing I do to take revenge on these people is something only a New Yorker can do. If you live in the city, you develop a sort of timing based on how fast you can walk and how fast the car is coming at you. When you are good, you can gauge exactly when a car is coming and walk across the street without going any faster than normal. I like to do this when crossing the street at a red light, time it so I walk normally and the car coming will just go past right behind me. Tourists follow the lemming effect. If they see one person walking, they think they all can walk, so when they see me go, the 2 seconds after they start right after me. And then the car is coming, and if it is a cabby, wooooo, nothing more fun than seeing a cabby still speeding, honking his horn, not bothering to slow down. The tourists shit their pants and start running all over the place, complaining that the car is driving when it's their light. Freakin' idiots. I hate them. It's the only time I really truly want to move the fuck out of the city.
Anyway, that's my rant, I'm sorry if I have offended any of you, but to truly know me is to truly know the depths of my anger. I don't like being this angry, but sometimes I can't help myself. I'm a kook, what do you want from me?
These people need to have a giant boulder dropped on them if they don't get out of my way.
